to be honest

To be honest...
To be honest with you, I am hurting.
My head hurts from crying most of the day, and my fingers are cold. 
To be honest with you, all i've had to eat is an orange and this glass of merlot. 
I feel sad. I feel loss. I feel you. 

To be honest, 
I didn't see this coming, 
When I take 5 steps forward, I fall 12 steps back. 

To be honest, 
I had to ask to leave work early because I couldn't keep it together. 
You're gone. You want nothing to do with me.  Because for once, we both admitted that was for the best. 

To be honest, 
It doesn't feel the best....
.... to watch you leave with no goodbye.. 
To be screaming your name in the driveway with no reply...

To be honest, 
I thought this is what I wanted. 
I thought it's what I already had...
But I see you everywhere. 
I see the best of you & me everywhere. 

To be honest..
sometimes i'd rather have our screwed up mess than nothing at all. 
to be honest, I take it all back. 

To be honest, 
I know i'm stronger than I feel right now. 
To be honest... I feel that way because...
You've told me so. 

To be honest, 
I can't stop thinking of your hand on my face...
telling me not to worry about a thing, 
but then I watched you drive away for the last time. 
hysterically worrying about everything in my life. 
Everything now without you.

To be honest...
I missed you before you even left. 
I miss our friendship and your support.

To be honest... 
I would love nothing more than to light it up right now. 
To smoke away the sight of your face and the feeling of you. 

To have just a moment to delay the misery, just a moment to be numb.
Just a moment...

But to be honest, 
There's a voice in my heart screaming out for me, 
and...  to be honest... it isn't you.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

-Jeremiah 29:11