this summer

This summer was different than the last few summers, 
I think I learned more than I originally expected.
I gained more than I lost, 
but Oh I did lose... 

This summer my character was challenged and questioned,
it was picked apart and torn open, 
my heart was out on the table, left vulnerable for anyone who wanted to take a stab. 

This summer I figured out exactly who I am, 
I don't think I've ever been more confident. 

I thank YOU for that. 

There are going to be people that you meet that don't understand you,

they don't understand how you think or why you think that way. 

They don't understand what you're heart is about, it may even frustrate them that you are the way that you are. 

There's going to be people that put down your accomplishments,

they question your abilities and put themselves in front of you. 

You know what I have to say about that?

Let them.

 Let those people challenge you and let them see who you really are. 

Make them think twice about your reactions, 

because those people that are questioning you? 

They're really questioning themselves. 

Y'all... I really love my dog. 

It's hard not to get caught up in everyone else, 

it's hard to put your emotions aside and really look at the bigger picture. 

Just remember: 

If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you. 

Speaking of challenges,

Yesterday I faced one of the biggest challenges of my life!

I rode my bike 54 miles. 

 

There were definitely times that I wanted to cry and call it quits, 

I even had to walk my bike up a gravel hill, 

----

Who the hell plans a road bike race with 20 miles of gravel road? 

----

Anyway, my quads were cramping, the wind was blowing, 

But, I made it. 

It's true, if you believe you can do it, 

you will do it!

Challenge yourself. 

(I even got to meet some pro's!)

Be proud of yourself and have confidence in your own abilities,

don't question yourself when people are questioning you. 

Have the confidence you know you have, just be you.

home.

Above all powers
Above all kings
Above all nature
And all created things
Above all wisdom
And all the ways of man
You were here
Before the world began

Above all kingdoms
Above all thrones
Above all wonders
The world has ever known
Above all wealth
And treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure
What You're worth

Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
y o u  t o o k  t h e  f a l l
And thought of me
Above all

Above all powers
Above all kings
Above all nature
And all created things
Above all wisdom
And all the ways of man

You were here
Before the world began.

Remember when you used to sing those words and believe in them with all of your heart? 

Remember when you had a burning passion for something unconquerable and gave thanks for your broken heart? Remember when your cure to loneliness was just a prayer away and you had unmeasurable strength to help you fight your battles? 

Remember when your happiness didn't depend on something you could lose?

In the depths of everyone's hearts is a place that they consider home for them. 
It's that place they run to when things get hectic and even scary.

For me, my home is a place in my heart that I often don't remember, sometimes, I even try to forget about. But this is the place that in complete utter darkness... shines at the end of the tunnel. This is the place i'm constantly running towards, yearning to be a little closer to. The place that breaks you open and reminds you of who you are.. 

I know some people are hesitant of the idea of Religion,
and you know... I'm strong enough to say good for them. 
You should question it, 
you should rip it apart and see what it's made of, 
explore it, ignore it, whatever...
That's what I did, and now.. 

...I'm telling you, my relationship with God has saved my life more than once. 
I am more sure than ever that this is what's right for me.

I have never felt more emotionally involved with anything in my life, 
I have never felt more in touch with my heart and what I wanted for myself. 

It's more than going to church on Sunday or reading your bible every other night,
it's a relationship filled with love, grace, hope, and a future.
It's a safe place you can always count on, it will always be yours. 
I t  w a s  m a d e  f o r  y o u. 

This is the the place I call home.

Lately I have felt so lost, 
like i'm living someone else's completely different life. 

My life without God doesn't feel like life at all,
it feels numb and emotionless. 

I have spent the last few years going new places,
meeting new people and doing different things... experiencing college... 

It's not a bad thing, that's what this time in our life is for. 
It's to make mistakes and to learn from them,
it's about opening your mind to every idea, every experience, every decision, 
in hopes that one day you may know exactly what you want. 

It's about having everything, and then losing it. 
It's about putting your heart back together, making it stronger every time. 
It's about seeing what you're really made of. 

This time in our life is for us to decide where we want to call home. 

Who says I can't be free, 

from all the things that I used to be, 

rewrite my history,

who says I can't be free

breathe it in, breathe it out, 

let it all in, let it all go. 

I love the natural days...
the days I can let my hair air dry and don't have to put on any makeup.
I love having the windows down and the music up.

I love not wearing real shoes and walking around in my bathing suit.
I love the smell of the fresh air in the house,
being dirty from playing outside all day,

Simple...
I love those kind of days.

threw my hands in the air said "show me something"

he said "if you dare, then come a little closer..."

'round and 'round and 'round and 'round we go

not really sure how to feel about it...
something in the way you move,
makes me feel like i can't live without you...
it takes me all the way.

I want you to stay.

In colorado we talked about me making more decisions that make me happy. 

We talked about learning to be more decisive and clear about what we want..

But first, 

I had to find out what it was I did want.

I don't get what I want because I don't ask for it,

which eventually just makes me feel depressed... 

and sadly, less of a person. 

It has come to my attention that I can say what I want to people and they'll still love me! 

it's a miracle! 

...No but seriously. I didn't know before. 

I'm a pretty go-with-the-flow type person, 

problem is, I ending up getting lost in it. 

Sometimes, I would just rather the other person be happy, 

I think I like the feeling of sacrificing my hapiness for someone else's. 

Day by day, 

i'm working on it! 

some times we don't want to, we just have to.

I have faith in things that I cannot see.
I have hope in my future and the plan that God has for me.
I believe that I am meant for bigger things, 
things bigger than me or anything that I could imagine.

I refuse to stop and wait for anyone, 
this life is mine and I have to treat it that way.  

Every day I am going to move forward and keep my head toward the sky,
knowing that whatever is behind me is meant to be there because it got me where I am. 

You gave me your last words,

now watch me run away with them.

 Today is a different day,

it's a better day, a stronger day. 

Today I believe in myself more than I ever believed in us. 

I'm thanking God for that kind of strength. 

He always knows what I need, 

exactly when I need it. 

Today I can close my eyes and see past your smile. 

I can see my own. 

Today is a new beginning, 

a beginning to a brand new kind of journey. 

Today I feel happy for all that i've been through, 

I feel happy for knowing your love,

it once was what completed me. 

Your love is what has given me the strength to move on. 

Your love has done so much for me...

I want to hold on to this feeling,

I want to bottle it up in a jar and save it for later. 

Lord knows the days to come are going to be a challenge. 

I have to keep on believing that the feeling of optimism is stronger than regret. 

I have to keep a smile on my face, careful not to grow bitter. 

always look in front of you.

God,

Please help me make my heart a happy place for you to live. Help me every day to believe in the plans you have for me, because I know they are far more greater than the plans I can make myself. Help me to keep a loving heart, for those I have loved and for those still left to come. Please give me a sense of understanding and companionship on the lonely nights, knowing that the path we walk together will be more fulfilling than the others. Lord when I feel insecure and in doubt of my capabilities, 

help me see myself the way you do.

-Rachel 

haha, think what you want but this song is my power song when I'm running. 

It just makes me have the feeling of looking forward to this love, 

Some day I am going to be a woman that a man can be proud of. 

Someone who knows that i'm not perfect, but who believes that i'm worth it. 

when that day comes, 

it will be simply amazing. 

oh child, things are gonna get easier

There comes a point when we just have to let it go,

if they wanted to stay,

they would still be here. 

It's time to make yourself happy again,

it's time to breathe easier,

it's time for your heart to repair itself.

Tell yourself, 

You're going to be ok.

You are stronger than you think you are.

trust yourself and your instincts,

trust your strength.

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you, tell you I need you

Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions

Oh let's go back to the start

Running in circles, coming up tails

Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy

It's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh, take me back to the start.

I was just guessing at numbers and figures

Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science, science and progress

Don't speak as loud as my heart

And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me

Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles, chasing our tails

Coming back as we are

It's hard to think of how much you've been through when you're going through what you're going through now. 

Keep on holding on.

I promise to sing to you when all the music dies

You heard my voice I came out of the woods by choice
Shelter also gave their shade
But in the dark I have no name

So leave that click in my head
And I will remember the words that you said
Left a clouded mind and a heavy heart
But I was sure we could see a new start

So when your hope's on fire
But you know your desire
Don't hold a glass over the flame
Don't let your heart grow cold
I will call you by name
I will share your road

But hold me fast, Hold me fast
'Cause I'm a hopeless wanderer
And hold me fast, Hold me fast
'Cause I'm a hopeless wanderer

It's that feeling you get when you're in the middle of a dream,

then you wake up.

you're startled because all of a sudden,

you don't know where you are. 

deep breath.

you wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

I love take off,

I love hearing the engines getting louder and stronger,

when your stomach tells you you're being lifted in the air..

I love the feeling of rising above.

Rising above the storm and chaos from below...

Suddenly just gliding over a sea of clouds. 

it's just Peace.

My dad always told me:

"Don't ever let your heart grow cold." 

When we go through struggles it's hard to remember that.

It's hard to not be angry at yourself, the other person, or the situation we're in. 

Truth is,

we control what we want our mind to think.

And i think, I think this all starts with your heart. 

Look at your heart,

It needs to be a safe place for you.

Your heart is the core of your body,

where your life itself comes from. 

Let's make it beautiful.