today was a day just like any other

"I am Preston Burke. I am a widely renowned cardio-thoracic surgeon. I am a professional and moreover I am a good, kind person. I am a person that cleans up after himself. I am a great cook. And you? You are an unbelievable slob. A slovenly, angry intern. I am Preston Burke. And you... are the most competitive, guarded, stubborn... the most challenging person I have ever met. And I love you. Why the hell won't you just let me?"



In order for someone else to love you, you must first love yourself.

 

Lately i've had some issues...

some issues with getting to know myself.

I know some people are die-hard "I know who I am" type people...

I'm not.

It's never easy to hear someone tell you that you've changed..

You never feel yourself changing, its the people that you care about that feel it.

I can't decide which hurts worse...

When you're the one that notices or other people.

You see,

when you aren't so sure about yourself in the first place,

and then someone tells you that you've changed...

That's like the world spinning beneath you and you just keep going with it...

not really sure where you're footing is.

The beautiful thing is,

is when the people that notice...

is when the people that notice stay. 















Do it yourself

Every day we make choices that affect our entire day...

We choose what we want to think about, we choose where we put our emotions and our energy.
That means you have control over way more than you think you do.

As humans, we are naturally defensive.
We naturally want to protect ourselves from harm and danger,
so when something or someone hurts us, you better believe we stand and speak up!

Lately, I've been trying to step back and really analyze my emotions. Why do I feel that way? Basically, we should all ask ourselves "why does this upset me?" and then we should personally take care of that.

I've discovered that I often blame other people for my emotions,
that just sounds silly. Sure, the emotions can be sparked by something someone said, but I need to take care of that myself.

Since everyone has a different life journey, a different personality that makes them tick,
what bothers me isn't going to bother the person next to me. Same with the things that we say... What may sound reasonable for me, may sound completely off the wall to the other person.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I am constantly trying to figure myself out.
I know no one is perfect, but I always strive to be my best self. I can't ask that of anyone else, or even expect that from anyone else... but I feel like when I know myself, and what makes me tick, that helps me to better understand other people.

I face an internal battle of stubbornness.

I see it in myself at work, in my relationships, in public...
It's like in my mind I have a certain way that I would do something,
and if someone doesn't do it that way, or does it a different way..
WHOA.
I get disappointed. So, in the end I get upset.

When I take the time to really think about why I am upset, it's much easier to get over it and continue with my day.

For an Example:
Yesterday Matthew didn't call me five times like I usually like him too ;)
(Hey, he was in Africa for ten months, I like to talk!)
Point is, I got upset...
and when he did call, I didn't want to answer because of my stubbornness.

When I thought about it, it didn't really make sense. I was upset because he didn't call, but when he did call, I didn't want to answer. What the hell?!

I told you I was stubborn.

In my head I stepped back and thought about the situation I was in,
And I decided to get over it. The guy was spending the day with his family having fun! I wanted to hear all about his day, not punish him and make him feel bad for being busy. That's soooo stupid. And ultimately, it was my personal issue that I was turning into a personality fault for him.

So, I answered the phone and got to hear all about Matthew's day, and he got to hear about mine-- and I went to sleep with a smile on my face instead of feeling bad.  

When we step back and look at the situation, usually it isn't as bad as it seems, or it's not even close to what it seems. I know it helps for me to hear the problem out loud.

So, I recommend doing that.
Before you waste time and energy by being upset,
just say how you feel and why you feel that way out loud.

If it still sounds reasonable, address yourself FIRST.
Maybe you're like me and have personal reasons you are the way you are, reasons that shouldn't be blamed on someone else.
If the problem still isn't solved,
I think then it's time to involve the other person.

One thing that has been brought to my attention is that I don't communicate as well as I should.
Communication is so important. It's important to get straight to the point of why you are upset, that way the other end isn't left guessing, and you don't get upset for them not being able reading your mind.

We only have so many days on this planet,
and the relationships that we have with everyone are so important.
Let's start with ourselves, and then move outward.

could be its last breath

he doesn't fight with me, he fights for me.

someone told me you fight for things that are worth it.

and if you want something you've never had before,

you're gonna have to do something you've never done before.

I've seen beautiful things with you,

none of them compare to the beautiful things i've seen within you.

<3

"anger is just expectation not met."

How do we make ourselves expect nothing from the people who once promised to give us everything? Who we feel like owe us everything?

Growing up is always so hard... and I don't think it ever gest easier. We're always growing up and changing until the day we die. Our expectations just grow with the people around us, with the situations around us...

Aside from that,
We are taught to give all that we can.
Give our best in school, at our jobs, to the strangers we come across everyday..
The hardest part--- learning to not expect anything in return.

Even when things are unfair, when it just doesn't seem right in any form...

That's where your character comes from.
Character is how you treat people who can't do anything for you.
Character is how you act during situations that aren't for your benefit.
Charater is giving all you've got to give, and never expecting anything in return.

Situations make up our lives, our reactions to those situations make us who we are.

If I lay here,
If I just lay here...
Would you lie with me, and just forget the world?

you can.

connect
your
emotions
to
your
feet
and
stomp
the
shit
out
of
them.

fire, faith, and fresh mozzarella

Not too long ago, I mentioned the place Horsetooth Resevior, and how that place helped me become more at peace with being so far away from the place I consider home.

It was so high in the air, I could see over the whole town,
I could lay on the beach and be some where else,
I could drive around with the windows down and let the wind blow my fears away,

Those days,
Those drives,
Those little moments,
They affected my whole world.
That's all it takes---

 

When we are off taking advantage of the moments life gives us,

Life is off taking advantage of those moments, too.

Life happens,

justlikethat.

Horsetooth Resevior

A lightning bolt is what started the high park fire that has now burned over 41,000 acres in the beautiful town of Fort Collins, Colorado.

Over 100 structures, 1 life...
all started with a strike of lightning.

I'm didn't grow up here,
I don't know tons of people or even a few street names.
But I do know that there are people suffering with confusion and loss right now.
My heart goes out to them.

There is brokenness spreading across the state.
That's what tragedy does...
no one ever knows what else to be.
We don't know how to live in any other moment but the present one.

It never gets easier to see past that...
that's where faith comes in.

Faith is believing in things that you can't see.

I think this fire hit me so close to my heart because it was so sudden.
Tragedy makes people realize how quickly you can lose everything you've worked for, everything your family has worked for...

go live your life.
Don't waste time trying to gain all the possessions you can,
those aren't going to make it through the fire.
It's the memories that are the prize possessions you're going to be left with.

Don't gain the whole world and lose your soul.

I'm going to have the audacity and say it,
There is good in this.
It's hard to think about at first, I know.
We have to keep in mind and trust in not only God, but the cycle of life...

There is reasoning behind the darkest corners.
There's an explanation at the end of the road, you have to hold on.
You have to hold on and have the strength to put one foot in front of the other and move forward.

Don't fight it.
You can never move forward if your looking backwards. You might trip.

You can't take hold of the future unless you learn to let go of the past.

We control our thoughts,
every single one of them.
We control what we want our mind to linger on,
linger on brighter days. They're coming.

If you can't have faith in anything else,
have faith in yourself.
You're a fighter.

Lauren, I love you.

Thanks for having a glass of wine with me before I went to babysit.

;)

I ate a waffle with tomato, basil leaves, fresh mozzarella, and a balsamic vinegar glaze.

It was awesome.

Try something you'd never expect from yourself..

It's fun that way, promise!