for the first time

When you're little, your life is so exciting.
I think that's because you are experiencing everything for the first time.
There's something thrilling and scary about jumping into the deep end for the first time, your first time driving without your dad in the front seat, your first time going to walmart by yourself... Maybe it's a sense of freedom that you get.
As you get older, you experience more and more every day. Most of the time, it's things you may have already experienced once before. Getting in the car to go to work becomes second nature, doing things are your own become dreadful instead of new fleeting adventures...

What's special is when you're older and you still continue to experience things "for the first time."
I've realized that these experiences are important. That "first time" feeling... we need that.

When is the last time that you did something for the first time?

Whether it be trying a new food, going to a new bookstore, or... hiking a 14-ner?
Make a summer bucket list of things you've never done before, then... start crossing things off.

We stood on top of the world.

14,060 ft.

We whined and complained up and down the mountain,

there were 45-50 mph winds, cold fingers, numb ears and toes...

I fell down every 5 steps I took, peed in the bushes, got some mean blisters..

But most of all, we got the feeling of experiencing something for the first time.

That I wouldn't trade for the world.

I've lived in Ft.Collins for a month now and so far all i've done is lay around with Spud.

Not to say that I haven't enjoyed the very much-needed down time,

but... I'M IN FREAKING FORT COLLINS.

This is one of the coolest towns I've ever been in!

I've told myself that it's hard getting out and doing things on my own,

am I afraid of that "first time" feeling?

Because i've been avoiding it's going to come running after me with a hammer or something.

I used to get so excited when my dad said I could go get gas by myself.

Goodness... Look at me now!

I realized I really need to take advantage of the beautiful place i'm in this summer.

We all know time always flies by so much faster than we really want it to.

Horsetooth Resevior.

This beautiful place reminds me of being at the lakes in Carolina.

I love it here, and for once, I found peace with where I was.

I found the slightest touch of something that reminded me of where I came from,

I believe you are capable of finding that where ever you are.

Get out there and find it.

It's certainly not going to find you.

And if you always wish to be somewhere else...

you're never going to be happy right where you are.

You're there for a reason, enjoy it.







the butterfly effect

There is a little bit of magic behind every Sunday.

I see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on.

Alone time, a lot of it.

At the time, it sucked. Now, I give thanks.

I guess that's how every event goes in life,

while we're in the moment we always think we could be better...

When the moment is gone,

we realize the magnitude of that moment.

There is purpose in where you are,

and those little moments what we wish would fly by..

they brought you here.

The tiniest things that happen to you,

they make up your big story.

It's called the butterfly effect.

In church today, we talked about how 1 man led 80 men to conquer 400 men and how that changed the entire world. One mans choice to be brave changed history for forever.

Never underestimate a smile you share with a stranger, a door you hold open, a hand that you lend, a decision you make, a thought you have...

Don't stop believing or trying because one day, your efforts will be evident in ways you could never imagine.

So, I spent my Saturday night making cupcakes and video chatting with my best friends from high school.

You know, your college friends may know who you are, but only your high school friends know why. That is something special that should always be held on to. 

There's a girl that I used to know,

We were each others best friends, we were each others best enemies.

It was one of those things you couldn't live with, but you damn sure couldn't live without.

I just want to take a second to thank her.

I want to thank her for always challenging me, while at the same time comforting me.

I want to thank her for sticking up for me every time I had to back down. I want to thank her for teaching me how to be strong, not just for others, but for myself. She taught me the importance of a personality. And because of her, I have one. I have a life that I am proud of because she pushed me every single day to be true to myself.

To this day, she still motivates me to keep on keepin' on...

"You just need to enjoy the journey you are on because it is making you such a well-rounded person. I see a down-to-earth girl who wants to use the senses God gave her to experience the world...Rachel, You didn't fall off the deep-end, you jumped."



I love you!

I went to church today :)

And you know what?! It made my heart so happy.

You are always in the perfect place at the perfect time,

but man it is so nice when you enjoy where you are.





take everything away and see whats left.

I recently drove across the country,
by myself....

You know what's out West?
Wide, wide... open spaces.
You know what's in your head after driving across the state of Kansas?
Even more wide open spaces.

Spending over 30 hours in your car and two nights in a random hotel room by yourself does things to you.
Not only do you go through a lot of Marlboros (sorry..), and learn every song on the radio, but you have a solitary freedom like nothing you've ever felt before.

When you take everything away and see what's left,
you are left with the only thing you know.
You.

At first I was scared,
but once I got going,
I realized I wasn't alone at all, there was nothing to be afraid of.

I believe everything happens for a reason,
1,431 miles...
1,431 beautiful reasons.

I haven't talked to God in a while,
but just like all of my other best friends,
we can always pick up where we left off.

I feel like life is constantly putting me in situations where I have to rely on myself for my own happiness. Aren't we all?! God has given me the people and the memories I need to grow, but still... it's usually left up to me to decide what to do with these skills i've been given.

I know this may sound silly to some,
but I feel like last year was my "year without God."
I know this isn't possible because of course, God is always with you.
But, Bear with me.

Last year I stopped going to church for the first time in 20 years.
Last year I stepped away from what used to be the biggest part of my life, and I know I can thank God for that.

When you step back and look at a situation, you usually see the bigger picture.
You concentrate less on the smaller details, and you can instead see these in all of their entirety.

God places desires in your heart, dreams in your head... motivation in your spirit.
Not everyone believes this, but I do.
Stepping back, I realized how much I need him to be the person I am meant to be.

God loves you for who you are because he made you that way.

I am a girl with ambition, I have dreams and goals.
My whole life i've had extraordinary desires to see the world, starting with the hearts of others.
I didn't get this way by not believing in something.

Everyone needs something to believe in,
This year i've realized that I need God in order to believe in myself.

"Don't you worry your pretty little mind,

People throw rocks at things that shine.

and Life makes love look hard,

The stakes are high, the road is rough,

but this love is ours."

Life, love, and happiness are what you make it.

Keep on believing,

life doesn't stop and neither should you.

Hold on to those little details that make up the big picture.

One mile at a time,

You're gonna make it.



new

Every now and then life throws change in our faces. Most of the time we don't see it coming.

 I think it's worse when we do.

Change is always scary; it's something different.

But being able to accept these changes, fearless, staring them right in the face...

That's where strength comes from.

When you take away your comfort and mold into your new kind of happiness, knowing your heart will never be the same, that's strength.

Being able to close a chapter and start a new one,

Well, that's what makes us who we are.

& I'm gonna love you through it.

It never gets easier, you get better.

I think questioning things make you stronger. You challenge yourself to see something from another angle.. Why wouldn't you want to see every part of what you put so much energy into? Your opinions may change along the way...


I think that's the beauty of it.. You can have such a solid foundation of who you are in that moment.. But as far as the rest of your life goes? Who has any godly idea.

what I never knew I needed

The Fray's new album "Scars and Stories" describes my life right now. 
It's always refreshing when that happens; when you find that someone out there can describe how you feel, because you know you never can.

I wish I could kiss your scars tonight.

"You've done enough my child, 

now it's time to be still."

How many times does a person have to be 

renewed in order to be restored?

Because, I feel like this is a long, twisted road.

For the first time in a long time, 

I'm homesick.

I think i've always underestimated the feeling of unconditional love when i've been surrounded by it.

Now my heart yearns for it, it yearns for that comfort only those people can give you. Only that kind of love is powerful enough to get me right back where I need to be. That kind of love always amplifies the greatest parts of you, sometimes we need to be reminded of those things. That kind of love is the love that you know is never going away. It will follow you for the rest of your life.

It's time.

I wanna return but all you will do is turn to leave
If I can find my way home, will you take hold of me?
I've been gone so long
I can barely say
All I know is now I want to stay
Has it been too long since I went away?
Cause I'm trying to find the words but I can barely say...

head full of doubt

Your heart is your own.
No one can tell you what it says,
no one can tell you what if feels like. 


Your heart is yours,
only yours. 

"Life makes love look hard"
You know what you want,
don't let people or events manipulate your feelings. 
don't be persuaded, don't give in.










this is 2012.

it's

a

certain

kind

of

lonely.