We haven't talked in a while.. possibly the longest we've gone in years.
The longer we go the more I notice you're constantly on my mind.
It seems like I could be doing anything: driving down a pretty road, picking out my coffee cup for the day or writing a to-do list, It never fails, I will think about you.
I've been trying to "fix"that.
I've been spending my time trying to process through all these emotions..
I've been in denial and told myself, "he'll be back" or "he'll call me when he's drunk." I've been angry and tried to hate you, reminded myself of how bad the bad times were. I've had flashbacks of arguments and all the times we almost didn't make it. I've been mad at myself, for caring so much and letting you leave in the first place. I've been sad.. I've felt lonely and cried a little, and then there were times I tried to avoid feeling anything at all.
But then there are mornings like today.
Today is the Sunday, our day. It's cold and cloudy outside, a perfect day.
A perfect day for a Lord of the Rings marathon, you'll insist it and then fall asleep on the couch behind me. A perfect day for a cup of coffee in bed, you always know just how I like it. A perfect day for jazz music and a walk with the dog, i'll never forget about the bouquets of wildflowers you'd leave for me.
I like looking back and remembering your smile; hearing your laugh while walking down the streets of Rome, drunk off love and red wine. Climbing rocks at midnight to get away from the crowd on the beaches of Hawaii, the smell of your truck going down a backroad.. all the dances in the kitchen.
What a beautiful love we had, the love of a lifetime, I am so thankful it was you who got to share that with me.
"I could think about goodbye and forget about all the good stuff.
But you loved me and I loved you too.
Thats what I think about when I think about you."
I've been slowly but surely learning that what you put into this life you get out;
put in happiness, put in thankfulness, put in joy.
Allow yourself to feel the things you need to feel,
give yourself grace.
Remember to be balanced; to find hope and purpose in the dark place.
Do not underestimate the power of positivity.
How do you move on from the most perfect person?
I guess I'll start here.
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