Right now...
right now my life is changing with the weather. 
I mean, changing like CULLOWHEE weather...

One thing about change is that everyone expects it to happen instantly,
or we get upset when we can't notice it immediately. 

The time in our lives when we want change is when one of those decisions comes up, it's usually a hard one that involves us thinking really hard about one choice that could possibly change everything. 

Then we close our eyes, hold our breath, and jump... 

We expect an instant change in our lives. 
 and Because we expect that, we're afraid of making choices, especially the hard ones. 

The truth about change is that you really don't notice it when it happens...
In some cases you may feel so shitty after making a decision,
you could have a broken heart for what you feel like is an eternity,
Day after day, everything seems the same...
But when you look back, nothing is.
You realize you aren't as broken as you were last month, last week... maybe yesterday.  

The easy choices in life are what make our lives more manageable. 
Or should I say tolerable? livable? ....easier?

I'm not sure about you, but I know that I am the type of person who is so happy with only deciding what to wear in the morning. Anyone who knows me knows that I am the most indecisive person there is. I prefer it that way... I'm a people pleaser. I always want to make the other person happy. Most people would just call this being a good friend. Unfortunately, this is where all of my relationships fail. 

Because I never make my own decisions, I lose myself in the relationship. 
I get so caught up in not saying what I really want, that I convince myself it's not what I want...
Ultimately, I lose who I am as a person. 
I forget that the things that make me who I am are my opinions. My true honest-to-God opinions. 
I build up frustration that never gets released...


I . J U S T . N E V E R . S A Y . A N Y T H I N G .

Then I can't take it anymore. 
I burst at the seams and can't take anymore. 

I run away.

I run away because I can't stand the thought of my opinion, my actual opinion, hurting someone else... 
I don't even try sometimes. There's no fight from me whatsoever. 

When it happens, it's one of those "why did I do that........" moments. 

I'm going to be honest and say that I feel like I have missed out on so much in my life because I haven't been true to not only myself but being my true self in front of others. 

It is so important to be yourself infront of others. 
That is what makes you, you. 

Don't let me make you think that I never stand up for myself...
I definitely have my moments of declaration. 

Sometimes I just forget that the people that really love me... those people that I try to please... they really value my honest opinion. They want to know what I'm thinking, that is why they value me as a friend and as a person. 

Your friends need to value your spirit and your heart, that's what a friendship is.
If you waste your relationship never saying how you truly feel, 
What are they supposed to value? 

Be yourself, always be yourself. 
It can only make your relationship stronger if you always know what the other person needs from it. 

 

Sometimes I feel like the hard part isn't adjusting to our own changes, but coping with everyone else's. 

When time once again gets the best of us...

When we don't notice our own changes but we notice everyone around us changing. 
It's not a bad thing... but it makes us uncomfortable because it makes you realize that WE ARE ALL changing. Then, you think that if we are always changing, how in the world are we supposed to always fit with the same people? 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am really struggling with being myself because I feel lost in the relationships around me. I feel caught up in my changes, their changes, the world's changes in general.... 

I've never been great at expressing exactly how I feel, 
and now I don't know how I feel about anything. 
I definitely feel like i'm in the running away stage. 

"I read something earlier that said, 'the opposite of faith is not doubt, it's fear'. Have faith in yourself and do what you need to do. I know- SO much easier said than done. There are lots of people who love you, myself included!"

There are people out there who just want to remind you of who you are, 
let them.
<3

There are people out there that love you, no matter which way you go in life-- they just want to be a part of it. 

People that love you for who you are, 

BE WHO YOU ARE.

                                     
                                                

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth you realize

When everything feels like the movies

Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me

Cuz I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

I want to go places i've never been before.

Meet people i've never met. 

Feel things i've never felt.

Life doesn't stop.

Change doesn't stop.

Why should we?

I need your grace to remind me to find my own.

She had a fire inside

And that terrified you

You swore that you'd never lose your control

Baby, let yourself go

'cause part of you hides

And I know the hunger inside of you's strong

You can only hold back the river so long

Oh, you don't have to go it alone

Oh, you don't have to go it alone, go it alone

Run for your life, my love

Run and you don't give up

All that you are

All that you want

Run for your life right now

And if you don't know how

I’ll come back with you and take all that’s true

And leave all that's burned behind

Run for your life