have you ever tried to do anything while watching grey's anatomy?
It's impossible. really.

All midterms aside, all late assignments completed, all projects turned in, 

it's Fall Break!
things are getting better... i'm getting better.

-Learn to love your natural self. Let it be your beautiful self. 

-Stop. Breathe. Speak. In that order.

-Each day, take time to do something that only you want to do. 

-When you recognize your own quirkiness, smile when you show it.

-"changing is hard, you know who you are." 

-Tell yourself that everything is going to be alright. Then believe it.

With

or

without

but

whole-

heartedly.

She said she wants to do right,

but not right now. 

And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
This weakness I feel I must finally show

Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all
But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall
Lend me your eyes I can change what you see
But your soul you must keep, totally free

In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life.

you

       make

it

easier

     to

   be.

and then I wrote you a letter

It's time to get real.
It's time to just put it out in the open the way it should be.
As simple as it should be.
As 'me' as is should be.

I disappear into the people I love.

I let myself get lost in the process of making everyone else happy.

         And then I run.

    Sometimes... I just yearn to be alone.

                      I yearn to be responsible for only me.

   I yearn to be the only thing holding myself back. 

I yearn to be good enough... 

                  ...good enough for myself.

I want to be strong. Strong enough to be myself

      in the midst of you. 

  Strong enough to know my own needs. 

        Strong enough to admit my own needs. 

Strong enough to do what I want, 

Where I want.

When I want.

Why I want.

How I want. 

I want dreams.

I want my own dreams. 

I want to accomplish.

inspire. 

wonder. 

wander. 

imagine. 

try. 

love.

 lose. 

dance. 

cry. 

laugh. 

go. 

go. 

go. 

I want to be brave enough to say it's the end, 

strong enough to say it's only the beginning. 

                   

I'm on time :)

The other day, I saw this woman carrying her sleeping son through the grocery store in her arms. I couldn't stop thinking about how nice it would be to be in his shoes again. I may be a whimp or whatever but sometimes I just really yearn to be in my dad's lap just like I could when I was little. What I would do to go back to dealing with those problems. 

I'd rather cry over a scraped knee than what I cry over now.

I'm having more struggles with my identity now than I had in high school. 

I think it's more of a struggle to just be true. 

Don't lose yourself in everyone else, 

You are perfect just the way you are. 

It's really a beautiful thing when you actually believe it. 

6:00 am

-go run-

Yesterday my neighbor said to me:

"The only thing I can hear is you and Matt laughing all the time, you guys are always laughing..."

On September 29, 2012, Lauren and I ran 13.43 miles through the beautiful Smoky Mountains without stopping. Well, I did have to pee. But, mostly without stopping. ;)

It seems like every race that I run, I have to decide what it means to me. I think I run stronger when I have some emotion and meaning behind it.

This half marathon... I really didn't think I was ready for this. I have been so busy with school and work that I have been kind of slacking on my running compared to this summer. I was actually nervous that I wouldn't be able to finish. Not only did I feel unprepared, but this race honestly didn't have a huge meaning to me. I didn't feel a new leaf ready to be turned, a goal to accomplish,... I was just trying to survive.

Before the race, Lauren and I prayed. I wasn't sure what to pray for at first, but just like I knew they would, the right words came out. We cried, and then we just...ran. We ran for two hours and thirty-eight minutes.

This was the hardest two hours and thirty-eight minutes I have lived in a LONG time. It was so hard, just like I thought it would be. About two miles in, I felt it. I felt the dreaded sting in my knee that I've been getting on my runs. I always forget to properly stretch before I start and I was definitely paying for it now.

There were times when I was almost in tears I was so uncomfortable. There were a lot of times when I probably should have stopped running before I seriously injured myself... but I just kept on talking to Lauren while simultaneously praying to God that he would just get me through one more mile... one more mile....

I remember Lauren telling me about a poster that she saw and it said:
"If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you."


There were times that I wanted to give in: I didn't.
There were times when I wanted to compromise myself: I didn't.
There were times when I wanted to myself that I wasn't good enough: I didn't.
There were times when I wanted to stop running: I didn't.

Thank God Lauren could all of a sudden start talking during her runs, thank God I had her beside me to encourage me and to remind me that I was strong enough... capable of going just a little bit further...

This race was my most challenging run I have ever been on.
Because of that, I think this race changed me.
Not only did it give me the confidence to know that I am so much stronger than I think I am, but it gave me the assurance that if I really want something, I CAN GET IT.

Sometimes all we need is someone to remind us of who we are.
or A moment when our true colors are amplified and shining.

Sometimes just a simple reminder that you are somebody else's hero.