I think life is a game of gaining and losing, giving and taking. Lately, I feel like i've just been losing. I miss the feeling of just being downright sure about something. I miss knowing when to give up, when to fight longer, and when to just be quiet. I hate dreading whats to come...like you know at any point a train is going to come and smack you on the ground. So, there you stand, silent and still, waiting for the bomb to drop.
What the heck is moving on about? it's like a damn art.
I'm starting to think that after losing the same thing so many times, i've almost mastered it. Funny how our nature is to do the absolute worse thing possible for ourselves to move on. Life is full of temporary pain killers. What happens when we push pain to the side and grab a beer instead? Oh, I know! We wake up with a freaking headache and end up feeling the pain more. And you know what else, we can see the pain to. Or, we count on others for our happiness. We find something new and exciting and of course, take that feeling instead. Who wouldn't? But then, at night when the wrong person says sweet dreams...BAM.
I think moving on has to come from your heart.
You have to want it for yourself, as hard as it is to want something like that. You have to do it. You have to look yourself in the mirror and want internal happiness for YOURSELF. You have to make yourself laugh, smile, and most of all, cry. You have to learn to feel the things you need to feel. I've indeed mastered this. It's about having the perfect combination. You have to think, but not too hard. You have to cry, but you have to learn to pick yourself back up too.
God has proven himself to me continually throughout my whole life. Sometimes, he knows just what to do to get your attention. I amaze myself every day at the silly things that I put before him...its unreasonable actually. The thing that has really made me smile, is that God makes everything new. He can take the most worn out, broken, and tattered thing and turn it into brand new. Hope can be restored :)
Another discovery: I have made another New Year Resolution... I would like to be more in control of situations. Meaning, I don't ever want a situation to get the best of me. I've discovered that this happens more than it should with me. In result, me being stressed out.
Basically, RIGHT NOW, i'm learning how to make myself happy. Having the confidence that you give yourself is such a great, empowering feeling. No one is going to hand you happiness on a platter. You have to go out and get it for yourself, in this case, being selfish is recommended.
Learn how to set yourself free.
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