February 14th.

Today the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the air is cool---but not too cool. It's a beautiful day. But there is something different about today that either everyone talks about...or no one talks about. Today is Valentines Day. The day that society decided would be a great day for couples to publicly share their love for each other. Just so everyone knows---I FULLY support Valentines Day. And you know what? I'm single. It's irritating when people are bitter about it. I can't help but to be a hopeless romantic. I blame it on the hours spent watching Disney Movies when I was 6. Beauty and the Beast set the standards pretty high, sorry boys.

I'm working on my third hour in the library, supposed to be studying for Biology...but this seemed more worth while. Being in a public place, I get to witness lots of PDA. The UPS guy just brought in some flowers in a box, cute. A girl just carried in a huge teddy bear, precious. I just love Valentines Day. All the while, I'm sitting in a corner sipping on some coffee all by myself. I don't mind it though...I think this is easier than being with someone and them not ever reaching your expectations. Lord knows those poor boys can never match up to Cinderella's prince charming. The couples that I really love to see are the ones that are content with just having each other.

This being said, I just want all of the couples to know that YOUR love story is the best one ever told. And they are not to be compared with perfect love stories. I don't want that to get mixed up. I have faith that God will bring me my prince. He's given me plenty of stuff to keep myself occupied until then, anyway. For those who have already found their love, I just want you to know that my heart melts when I see you, and you give me hope. As corny as it sounds, you shine.

February 14th marks a very relevant day in my family. Both my mom and grandmother got married on this day. And it all started with, "the only thing I want for Valentines Day is you." So, they gave their hand in marriage.

On this Valentines Day,
I do not feel alone, I don't feel sad or bitter. I don't wish I had roses (I don't like them anyway), I don't want a teddy bear that takes up more of my treasured sleep space, I don't want a card...Today, I have everything that I could ever want.

I came across this quote:

"I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them anyway. Love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you may be ashamed of. Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak in the knees when they walk in a room and smile at you."

Well, Lisa from Oregon, I bet you have the greatest husband in the world. The first thing that popped in my head when I read this was "Who is this in my life?"

Jesus, you are the love of my life. And, I just wanted to say, Happy Valentines Day. <3

Hello, Raleigh.

It's weird typing your heart out on someone else's computer, just sayin'.

I think life is a game of gaining and losing, giving and taking. Lately, I feel like i've just been losing. I miss the feeling of just being downright sure about something. I miss knowing when to give up, when to fight longer, and when to just be quiet. I hate dreading whats to come...like you know at any point a train is going to come and smack you on the ground. So, there you stand, silent and still, waiting for the bomb to drop.

What the heck is moving on about? it's like a damn art.


I'm starting to think that after losing the same thing so many times, i've almost mastered it. Funny how our nature is to do the absolute worse thing possible for ourselves to move on. Life is full of temporary pain killers. What happens when we push pain to the side and grab a beer instead? Oh, I know! We wake up with a freaking headache and end up feeling the pain more. And you know what else, we can see the pain to. Or, we count on others for our happiness. We find something new and exciting and of course, take that feeling instead. Who wouldn't? But then, at night when the wrong person says sweet dreams...BAM.

I think moving on has to come from your heart.
You have to want it for yourself, as hard as it is to want something like that. You have to do it. You have to look yourself in the mirror and want internal happiness for YOURSELF. You have to make yourself laugh, smile, and most of all, cry. You have to learn to feel the things you need to feel. I've indeed mastered this. It's about having the perfect combination. You have to think, but not too hard.  You have to cry, but you have to learn to pick yourself back up too.

God has proven himself to me continually throughout my whole life. Sometimes, he knows just what to do to get your attention. I amaze myself every day at the silly things that I put before him...its unreasonable actually. The thing that has really made me smile, is that God makes everything new. He can take the most worn out, broken, and tattered thing and turn it into brand new. Hope can be restored :)

Another discovery: I have made another New Year Resolution... I would like to be more in control of situations. Meaning, I don't ever want a situation to get the best of me. I've discovered that this happens more than it should with me. In result, me being stressed out.

Basically, RIGHT NOW, i'm learning how to make myself happy. Having the confidence that you give yourself is such a great, empowering feeling. No one is going to hand you happiness on a platter. You have to go out and get it for yourself, in this case, being selfish is recommended.

Learn how to set yourself free.