If you ever wonder why, always come back here.

Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you
Counting my footsteps, praying the floor wont fall through
Again
And my mother accused me of losing my mind
But I swore I was fine

You paint me a blue sky
And go back and turn it to rain
And I lived in your chess game but you changed the rules everyday
Wonderin' which version of you I might get on the phone
Tonight
Well I stopped picking up and this song is to let you know why

Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress cried the whole way home
I should have known

Well maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame
Maybe it's you and you're sick need to give love and take it away
And you'll add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understand
And I'll look back and regret how I ignored when they said run as fast as you can

Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress cried the whole way home

Dear John, I see it all now, it was wrong
Don't you think 19's too young to be played by your dark twisted games
When I loved you so
I should have known

You are an expert at "sorry"
And keeping lines blurry
Never impressed by me acing your tests
All the girls that you've run dry have tired, lifeless eyes
Cause you burned them out
But I took your matches before fire could catch me
So don't look now
I'm shining like fireworks over your sad empty town...

Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress cried the whole way home
I see it all now that you're gone
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress wrote you a song
You should have known
You should have known

Don't you think I was too young?
You should have known...

paper or plastic?

     Sometimes I think that no one could explain life better than the great Alanis Morrisette herself, what a jagged little pill. Sometimes I feel like some things just aren't appropriate without a large glass of wine in your hand. Like, listening to Alanis Morrisette. I think it's great that certain things have different affects on our life. Like, Alanis Morrisette. Before you start thinking i'm obsessed with some uptight strong biotch, let me explain. Her music is empowering, harsh, and pretty honest. Sometimes it's stated as greatly and as simply as "you live, you learn." Or, "you oughta know." Her music makes me feel better, I can't imagine any other reaction. 

   

   I work at a grocery store, and we get most of the same customers every single day. I see them on their bad days, I see them on their good days. I see them cry, I see them jump for joy, literally...and, after a while, you start to develop relationships with your customers, you start to know what kind of day they've had just by the way they walk in the door. In particular, there's this guy that comes in every week. He always comes in at night and always just shops with a basket. This guy always picks out his bread first, then produce, then canned foods, then frozen foods. He doesn't say much. When he comes through my line, he always says hey with a shy smile and we talk about coffee and the weather. Last Saturday I was working and he came in, this time he was with his girlfriend. He didn't grab a basket or start at the bread. And another thing, this guy had the biggest smile on his face as he was holding this girls hand. He was so happy to be with her at that moment in time. He was laughing and really glowing. I see this all the time. People are so different depending on who they come to the grocery store with. Personally, I hope that when i'm with the person I love, i'm a better person. I hope I glow like the quiet guy with the basket...I hope i can't stop laughing and that i'm proud to be there. 

  

   I think it's great that people were designed in a very certain way. I think it's great that some where in the world is a guy that was designed by the hands of God, just for me.... I love knowing that I have the greatest friends in the whole world and that everyone is where they are on purpose...

some people were 

born to understand you.

Some times I can't help but to wonder about love. Is it just a chemical reaction in your brain? Hormones trained to make you feel butterflies around certain people? Signals sent to your brain telling you it's okay to open up in that conversation? What is it?

Whatever it is, it's made with purpose, and that to me is a beautiful thing.

Knowing that our lives are so full of purpose is a beautiful thing.

just some thoughts for today..

Learnin' to embrace it.

The excitement I have for life right now is about to explode.
I'm so excited to have plans for myself, goals, and challenges up ahead.
I'm happy that I know what I want to be, and I know who I am.

You know what else I love? Learning to understand things. I love having arguments that help you accomplish understanding of that unknown area. It's awesome.

As "ok" as I feel in the spot I am in, the more unsettled I become. Some people are born somewhere where it's everything they could ever need. Some people are born settled and are content with where they are. This little heart of mine...it's always longing for something more. I always want to go somewhere else, I always want to get to know another part of the world. I learn to be content, but just content enough to be settled in. A little piece of my heart is always set on the next place. I knew in 6th grade I didn't want to be in Florida, I love my hometown, I love the place that made me who I am, but...i'm over it. Time to move on and allow growth in a new place.

This Summer:

St. Vincent and the Grenadine Islands.

Ft. Collins, Colorado.

If you know me, you'll know that once my heart is set on something, I am determined as hell to get there.  

I'm lucky to have the parents that allow me to go and follow my dreams. I'm so lucky my Dad encourages me to grow and to live my life. I'm so lucky to have opportunity. I'm so lucky just to be alive. (Thanks, God.)

A long time ago I heard the statement, 

"always be where you are."

I never understood that until I moved to North Carolina, 

I think it's really important that when you move to a new place to kinda disconnect yourself from the last place you came from. When I first moved here I was still trying to live in Florida and you just can't do that...or you'll never be happy. As bittersweet as it is, you have to move on and make new friends, make a home out of this temporary thing. Before you know it...ah :)

This summer, I am so excited to be in the Caribbean at that camp, letting the light of God shine through me. I'm so excited to spend the rest of the summer out west. I am so excited to promote growth in my life. AHHHHHH. 

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God, I am so sorry I haven't allowed you to be as involved in my life as you are yearning to be. But thank you for giving me the opportunities you give me in my  life, and thank you for giving me the courage to embrace them. Thank you for teaching me to love. Thank you for making me who I am. Thank you for helping me embrace myself and allowing me to seek your glory. You are such and amazing thing, and i'm so glad to know you. In everything that I do, I hope people see me in you.