home is where you make it

If you ask me how I'm doing, i'll say just fine.
I was looking for something, 
searching for an answer.


I was looking for something to move me,
something to make a difference in my life.
I need a distraction, something to challenge me. 

The funny thing about life is that when your source of strength is gone, you are forced to expose your weaknesses. The things that used to be so easy for me, are now so so hard. I'm totally out of my comfort zone, but it's nice. It's gonna make me stronger. 

Take it one day at a time.

"A wise man once said you can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it. What he meant is nothing comes without a price. So before you go into battle, you better decide how much you're willing to lose. Too often, going after what feels good means letting go of what you know is right, and letting someone in means abandoning the walls you've spent a lifetime building. Of course, the toughest sacrifices are the ones we don't see coming, when we don't have time to come up with a strategy to pick a side or to measure the potential loss. When that happens, when the battle chooses us and not the other way around, that's when the sacrifice can turn out to be more than we can bear."

I have challenged myself with something that most people think is silly, 

and you know, when I told my friends, most of them laughed at me. They said: "Oh yah, I call bull shit on that. You won't last," What the heck is that about? I think we all need those people in our life though. Those people make you try even harder. Friends or not. 

I know what I'm fighting for, I know it's worth it. 

This weekend I was trapped in Milton. No communication with friends that I was dying to see. Just mom and Tropical Storm Lee. I had one of the best weekends I've had in a long, long, long time. I feel like I actually took the time to enjoy time with my mom instead of wishing I was somewhere else. We sat in the bath tub with all the beer in the house, smoking, laughing, preparing for a tornado. I am friends with my mom. I think thats the only thing we both know how to be. 

The things that I've been through in my life have brought me right here.

I have a great life, it's my own.

The people have around me have made me feel like I am enough. I am enough just being me. 

i am: 

-selfish

-insecure

-broken

-sarcastic

-mean to my brother

-OCD about t-shirt sleeves

-a procrastinator

-secretive

-a picky eater

-easily annoyed

-overly nice to mean people

-flawed

he likes me that way.

:)

no comprehende

Im just going through the motions.

you're my favorite picture

I think the world is full of controversy. Well, duh, actually.
There is controversy and strong opinions every where you look.


I try not to look with pre-determined eyes, but clear eyes.

I really like post secret. 

I also really like that every thing happens for a reason.

Every minute of every day is another little segment of the grand whole picture. I love that the human body works this way.

We live, We learn.

I remember times in my life when I thought I was making a huge mistake. When you just have the feeling that you MESSED UP. Is there really such thing as a mistake? In the whole big picture, I don't really believe in mistakes. 

I just don't think we should judge people, 

I guess no one thinks we should judge people.

But it's so hard, well, for me anyway, to grasp that.

What people are going through in their life right now is just another pigment in their whole big picture.

Let's take it easy.

Every time I look around, it's in my face.

"Bongo Bango Bingo. This is the story of Congo they are telling now in America: a tale of cannibals. I know about this kind of story. The lonely look down on the hungry. The hungry look down upon the starving. The guilty blame the damaged. Those of doubtful righteousness speak of cannibals, the unquestionably vile, the sinners and the damned. It makes everyone feel so much better." 
-The Poisonwood Bible

It's an internal battle.

A battle between you and YOU. 

I think it's going to be the best war ever won.

wheeeeeee

This is me. 

This is me after:

-my roommate took off to Asheville with all of my luggage.

-finding a Miller Light  in my purse.

-still wearing the clothes that I wore all day yesterday, AND slept in.

-everyone around me decided to start smoking.

-me remembering we have no shower supplies in our apartment. but that wouldn't matter because  I don't even have clean clothes to put on.

-I introduced one too many people to New Belgium's Fat Tire.

-I remembered I have to go speak to the financial aid people. 

-discovering that I have grass stains on my knees. UNDER my jeans.

-after deciding that I was going to Mad Batter for breakfast.

Welcome back to Cullowhee.

Some where far, far, away....

is a smile that holds me together.

And today, I got to see it.

<3