Dear Friend,

Today I got to sleep in,
I got to have pizza for breakfast and rode my bike to the farmer's market.
Today I had the best cup of coffee i've had in a long time. 
I watched little kids joyfully play while the sun kissed my face. 

My days have been filled with so much love lately… 
I laugh a lot and smile even more. 
I feel lighthearted and appreciative of the world around me.

After all, there is so much to be thankful for. 

I've come to the realization that in order to open our hearts to the good in the world we have to clear out the negative crap taking up too much space, we just have to. 

"Out with the old, in with the new," they say.

I've changed quite a few things in my life this year, it hasn't been an easy process by any means. 

I moved out of the house I've lived in since I've moved to Colorado to live with people I barely knew, I changed my job and transferred to a new facility, said goodbye to a lot of people I spent years learning to how to love. 

Change is fucking hard. 

It was not easy for me to walk around at my new job not knowing the people or where the bathroom is.. How do I make copies? Who does this? Who does that? 

Constantly questioning why I left where I was in the first place. 
I knew I had to leave, I wasn't growing.. I felt myself in a slow back slide. 

It was very uncomfortable. 

It's amazing what happens when we lose our safety net.. 
When we get pushed outside of our comfort zone…
I feel like this is when we realize who we really are, what we are really capable of. 

It's been fun opening my heart to new things.. new processes, new learning experiences, new people, new places, new…everything. 

They way we navigate through the unknown says a lot about who we are as people. 

It's amazing what will happen when you clear out the clutter; love and happiness came flooding into my life like i've never experienced. 

Like I said before, when we allow ourselves to open ourselves up to these new things, some old things may get left behind, its sad at first.  

As human beings we are selfish! We are so good at making things about ourselves… We are constantly finding ways to compare ourselves to others and subconsciously making other people's decisions about ourselves.

In the end, all we really have is ourselves. We have to learn to take care of us.. to have the strength to let negative situations and people go.

I'm learning how to be the good kind of selfish. 

Sometimes, I just want a sign above my head that says "This is not about you. WHAT I DO IS NOT ABOUT YOU." 

As I was full of appreciation for this perfect June day, letting joy fill my heart as I breathed it all in…
I got a text message. 

I got a text message that for a moment.. changed everything. 

It's amazing how one second you can feel so content and then the next you want to smash something. 

I've become so accustomed to carrying the weight of other peoples emotions.. I feel like as a social worker that's kind of what we do. It is a habit that is really hard to break, but over time, it becomes easier. 

"Take a step back" I told myself. 

When I read this text message, I felt heavy. That was its intention after all. I wanted to react quickly and sharply. Instead, I said nothing. 

I took a second to look around me.. the sun is still shining with all it's glory… 

I caught myself doing that thing again.. that thing us humans do.. 
Making what this person said about myself! WHY DO WE DO THAT?!

From a very young age, I had to learn that the things people do have nothing to do with me. My therapist used to drill in my head: "What people say and do says more about them than it does about you." You've probably heard me say this a million times, it's a damn good mantra to have.

We all seek closure differently, some people are able to just let things go, other people need a reason for everything. 

So for those people, this blog is for you.

Dear Friend, 

I'm sorry you are hurting. I'm sorry that you have questions and I don't have the answers you are looking for. But first and foremost, I am sorry that you are hurting. 

We haven't talked in a while and that obviously bothers you. 
Somewhere along the lines, life happened. 

We became frustrated with each other, said things to other people, it came back around. 
It always comes back around. 

Simply put, I've moved on.
I've let it go.
There are no hard feelings to share, I appreciate the happy moments we spent together,
I will carry our talks and laughs with me through the years. 

Somewhere along the lines, our actions and what we believe in just stopped coinciding. 

Its not a negative thing.. Life just does that. As humans we are ever evolving creatures. 

We all handle our life experiences in different ways, they end up making us who we are. 

I didn't stop talking to you to hurt you. 
I didn't stop answering your text messages to be "a bitch," 
It just is what it is. 

As today showed me, I still have a hard time separating my emotions from yours and it's hurtful to me. 

I know that's hard to hear… but this isn't about you. 
It's about me. 

I hope you can find peace.. I hope you can find the comfort you're looking for within yourself.
I hope you learn to appreciate the uncomfortable circumstances that life brings to you…
I hope it opens up your heart to the love and light you're searching for.  

I hope you can let it go, all of it. The negativity, the blame, the guilt. 
Not just from our situation, but from every situation. 

I hope you appreciate the people around you that love you, love them like they love you. 
The people that don't? Let them go. 
Clear out space in your heart for new wonderful things. 

Don't let the words and actions of others dictate who you are. 
You know yourself better than anyone else. Be brave. 

Dear friend, I hope this helps you.  
I hope you have some clarity and feel better about our situation. 

If you don't….
Know that I am undoubtedly sorry I've hurt you. 
It's not you, it's me. 

Look up in the sky, it's still a beautiful day. 

Sincerely, 
Me