It's time

I honestly cannot believe I haven't written since AUGUST. 
I've thought about it and considered it... but i honestly am waiting on the perfect inspiration.
Right now, I'm searching for the inspiration. I'm almost asking for it. 

I'm about to graduate college, 
when I started this blog I was just starting! crazy...

My dad has given me an ultimatum...
I either go to grad school or... that's it. I have to go to grad school.
It's not that I don't want to go, I just wish I didn't have so much pressure to get there. 

It's crazy... 
leaving the home you've created for yourself to start another one. 
But, I guess it's time. 

Lately I've been in such a funk. 
I just don't feel completely right about anything... really, anything.. 

Someone I love very much told me that I don't inspire them anymore. 
I haven't been able to recover ever since. 

It's amazing how one statement can make you question everything..
It made me re-evaluate myself and how I feel about myself, it's taken a lot for me to get off the floor and feel good again. 

I want to be ok with myself, I want to be proud of myself and not depend on approval from others, 
God thats so hard. 

Anyone that really knows me knows that I have an independent streak a country mile wide..
Once you strike it... i'm gone. 

That's my struggle right now. 
Should I stay or should I go?

It seems like no one I talk to really understands it. Whether I'm talking to my mom or my best friend, no one really knows what i'm feeling, they just assume. This is the point when I need to look deep down in my heart and see what it says. 

You're the only one that knows exactly how you feel, it's important to not get it mixed up with someone else's desires for you. 
Your dreams are your own and they're the only ones you'll ever have. 

Don't wait for someone to tell you it's ok, 
Don't wait for someone to follow you... 
just go. 

I don't know why I keep ignoring God's voice inside me. 
Maybe i'm scared to go where he tells me to go, to do what he wants me to do, 
maybe i'm afraid of losing things along the way. 

Show me how to love the unloveable, show me how to reach the unreachable. 


Wellllllllll, 
I guess thats all for now, 
Maybe ill get in the groove soon.