maybe the grass isn't greener on the other side

I just want to start out by saying that Grey's Anatomy has destroyed me. Ok, maybe destroyed is a bit of an exaggeration. But, to say the least, this T.V. show has had a bigger impact on me then probably what is healthy. 


There are many things in life that can make a person question themselves. Maybe it's a loss, an accomplishment, an open-ended question... what ever this thing may be, I think it's there for a reason. There is some kind of unknown plan behind questioning oneself. Maybe it's to make you stronger, maybe its a sign that something needs to change, maybe its just a question.


I don't think there is anything more annoying than having all of your ducks finally in a perfect straight little line and then a freaking hurricane comes and messes it all up. There's a reason for that hurricane. Maybe the ducks will be stronger next time they have to stay in a line, or... maybe they are for some reason meant to be all shook up. Why does this happen? Why does nature happen? I know why.


To make you question yourself.


"There are times when even the best of us have trouble with commitment, and we may be surprised at the commitments we're willing to let slip out of our grasp. Commitments are complicated. We may surprise ourselves by the commitments we're willing to make, true commitment, takes effort, and sacrifice. Which is why sometimes, we have to learn the hard way, to choose our commitments very carefully."


Effort. Sacrifice. Willingness. Determination. Strength.


------------------------------------------------------------------------


This summer is meant for me. This summer is meant for me to be apart from everything that I somehow think makes me who I am. This summer is meant for me to see what's left after everything has been ripped away. Why do I still find you? All of these little pieces of you are always lying on the floor for me to trip over. You are still... every where. 


Are you there for me to fight and resist? Or, are you there for some other reason.
I hope you are there for me to fight because Lord knows I'm ready to throw the first punch.


Meredith can't pick between McDreamy and the Veterinarian. I know how she feels. She has the most perfect guy in the world willing to do anything for her. He's "dark and twisty" just like she is. He's sweet and thoughtful, everything on her list. He's something new and something really great. Then there's the other one thats always been there. He has his baggage, and even still tries to carry hers around. He has that look that he knows will make her melt. He knows her like the back of his hand. He knows what to say to make her question herself. He knows her. 


Meredith is afraid of her choice, McDreamy has already hurt her and left her damaged. He left her. Veterinarian guy...he is genuine.


Unlike Meredith, I choose the Veterinarian.


I want myself to think that the grass may be greener on the other side, but I'm not willing to leave my perfect spot to jump the fence and find dirt and mud. Call me a coward, but i'm not letting go of this great thing that i've found.

it stung a little.

spark a match and watch the candle burn,
the wick runs out and then love takes it's turn,
on fallen angels and broken sounds,
we will last past the final round.

Even if you think the flame has died, there's at least one lyric that'll hit that last hot spot, and then you'll find yourself as screwed as you were the day you lied and said you never wanted to see him again. - John Mayer